Talks over Coffee Mugs
by Maeve Morgan
Summary: Remus and Lily talk about their past, present, future, and general aspects of life over coffee. Or then they just have rather pointless conversations. All dialogue. Sometimes AU, sometimes not.
1. December 29 1990

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. The use of its characters, locations and universe in general are merely a lend. I only own the plot (or in this case, the dialogue).

A.N.: I was bored one day, and had nothing better to do, and this came along with my overactive imagination. I liked it, so I'm deciding to post. Although the setting is never actually described, this takes place in the winter tearoom at the Potter's residence, during the Christmas break of 1990. This is also obviously an Alternative Universe. And it's all dialogue, something I never did before.

* * *

**Talks over Coffee Mugs**

  
December 29 1990.  


"I've missed this."

"Me too. I guess we got too busy. Life finally caught up with us."

"Well, you at least have your reasons. I'm simply a professor and a bachelor. Now you're a working wife and a mother."

"Yes, and with both my husband and son being pranksters supreme, it's fair to say I have my hands quite full."

"Especially if Sirius comes to play the godfather, or Peter decides to show his new products for the joke shop."

"You're hopeless. You're all hopeless."

"Even me?"

"Especially you, Remus."

"Why thank you."

"I always knew you were the worst of the Marauders."

"Is that so? I thought you believed me the level-headed one…"

"The professors certainly had that impression, otherwise they wouldn't have made you a prefect. But I knew underneath that calm façade was the ingenious and mischievous brain behind at least half the pranks you played."

"Only the most ingenious ones. Sirius would come up with the outrageous ones, Peter with the essentially funny ones, and James…"

"James would simply wreak havoc!"

"Exactly. I couldn't have put in better words."

"He is my husband, after all. I like to think I know him fairly enough."

"Who would have known you, Lily Evans, would end up marrying him?"

"He certainly thought so. But in truth, people always said I'd end up with a Marauder because I 'hated you all with a passion', as Marlene used to say."

"Hmm."

"I used to think I'd marry you…"

"Really?"

"Yes, and don't sound so surprised!"

"I'm not surprised, I'm amused."

"Well, since I was the one to ask you out, I thought you'd have at least an inkling of what went through my mind."

"Certainly, but I never imagined you to be the type of girl to dream about her wedding at only fifteen."

"I was a girl, after all. We always think those things. I only never let you know I was such a girly girl."

"Indeed. And come again, why didn't I ask you out?"

"I believe you were traumatized from past experiences."

"Oh yes. The lovely Meredith Whitehall. And let us not forget Susan Caldwell, and all the pleasant situations I went through with both of them."

"If it makes you feel any better, I would never hold those against you. After all, you were still a young boy of fourteen or fifteen."

"Not to mention Sirius had planned everything, so it was bound to go wrong sooner or later."

"Of course! And there's the fact that you wouldn't ask me because of James. It irked me to no end that he was so conceited and acted as if I had to be throwing myself at him like other girls."

"For you, he was only a big-headed git who played pranks for fun and enjoyed embarrassing you in front of school. But I knew. We all knew James actually liked you and didn't know how to act. He had learned to play it cool. You were the first girl he was interested in like that. He wanted to know you, not like the other girls that in some level he just used them."

"Very insightful. Well, that's all old history now. We're happily married, and we have Harry and my darling baby."

"Yes. The lovely little Holly Potter."

"Hum-hmm. You know, it took me a long time to forgive you for breaking up with me."

"I know. I still have the scar from that ashtray you threw at me in Transfiguration!"

"I got a detention for that…"

"As you should have! You nearly blinded me!"

"Oh like you're one to talk! Do I have to start listing all the potentially dangerous pranks you Marauders played?"

"No, you do not. And I'd also like to point out that we received detentions for nearly all of them."

"Ha! Try forty-five per cent and you'll be closer to the mark."

"Really? That much?"

"You're impossible."

"I aim to please."

"I know. That's why I love you."

"…"

"…"

"Lily?"

"Hmm?"

"You do know I love you, right?"

"Yes. I do."

"You and Marlene… You were the only women I ever loved."

"Remus…"

"Isn't it ironic that you both ended marrying my two best friends?"

"I hate irony."

"You do not. You're one of the most sarcastic women I ever met."

"Well yes, but sarcasm is different. It's a weapon of defence. Irony is just a cruel trick fate plays on us."

"Perhaps you're right."

"Well… since we're at the subject, who did you have a harder time forgiving, James or Sirius?"

"For stealing the women I love, you mean? I could never blame James, since I was the one to break up with you because of him."

"Yes, as previously established."

"Yes. And Marlene… I was actually glad that she and Sirius got together."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Marlene and I… We fell apart. Something changed during the years we were together. I still loved her, but I think it was more of a sister-brother thing. Anyway…"

"But she broke up with you."

"Yes. She was quicker to see things were already too ruined so we could work it out."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. It's all in the past. Well, perhaps I'd accept an apology for the ashtray…"

"I already apologized, about fifteen years ago."

"You did. Well, I guess it was never meant to be."

"Us?"

"That too. You and James had the spark. Just as Sirius and Marlene. We never had that."

"Of course we did! I can't believe you forgot how we used to argue through third to fifth year!"

"Yes, but you argued with me because of James, Lily."

"Oh. Yes."

"Don't sound so forlorn."

"I can't help it. I want you to be happy, Remus."

"I am."

"Truly happy. I would like to see you married, with many little children…"

"Maybe I'm just not cut for that type of life. Perhaps I should be a Dumbledore."

"No. You're too much a Marauder for that."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. And I'm sure you'll find your match, and she'll be just as Marauder-ish as you are."

"I have to search harder then, because you and Marlene were the closest ones to that I ever found."

"I never played pranks or engaged in dangerous behaviour or adventures. Marlene might have done so from time to time, but truthfully, you were too much alike. You know what they say about opposites attract."

"What, you mean I need a girl who's colourful, loud, clumsy, and rebellious?"

"Despite the fact that you could be considered all that in your own way, yes. More or less. With other such traits of you Marauders, of course. Don't take this the wrong way, but I actually think you need the female version of Black."

"Oh great. She'll be a slut then. Ow! Don't hit me, Lily!"

"You deserved that for cursing your future bride."

"We don't even know who she is."

"But she'll marry you, so you should respect her, whoever she might be. And no, she won't be a slut. Amazingly as it is, I don't consider Sirius one either."

"You don't say!"

"Well, he certainly had his days in Hogwarts when his ego and good looks got the best of him. But he's overcome it. Maybe you should see if he'd fix you up with one of his cousins or other relatives."

"Have you forgotten all we know of the Black family? Besides, Sirius says the only decent girl in his family is now long happily married."

"Oh yes, I remember. Andromeda Black. You used to fancy her, didn't you?"

"What? Who told you that?"

"Don't look so shocked. You were pretty obvious as an eleven-year-old."

"I guess I was. Sirius used to tease me endlessly about it, too. But as she was a sixth year very popular Slytherin when we started Hogwarts, it was all just that: a childhood bit of fancying."

"Were you sad when she eloped with Ted Tonks the next year?"

"A little. But I was also glad for them. Tonks was a good guy."

"Yeah. They had a little girl, didn't they?"

"They did. I remember Sirius saying his cousin was insane to name her child with such an outrageous name. The girl would blame her forever, he said. It's funny that I don't actually remember what name it was right now. All I know is that he calls her little Dora."

"But she's not as little anymore, is she? They had her back in 1973, so she should be about seventeen now. And wait a moment, you should know her! She must be one of your students in Hogwarts!"

"She is. A Gryffindor, too."

"Then how come you don't remember her name?"

"She asks everyone she meets, including professors, to call her Tonks. Apparently, Sirius was right about her being traumatized because of her name. But I remember it now. _Nymphadora_."

"Hmm. It has a sort of musical ring, don't you think?"

"Unique and whimsical. I think it's a beautiful name."

"Hmm. Maybe you should date her."

"Lily Angelica Evans!"

"You forgot Potter. And don't sound so outrageous, I was only joking. I know you'd never date a student. And I never thought I'd see you with behaviour reminiscent of our teen years, but by the way you're blushing madly over there, I take it she's quite a beautiful young lady as well?"

"I think I'll remain non-committal about that, thank you very much."

"You're such a prude."

"Ha! Potter calling the kettle black…"

"You're not a kettle, and your last name is Lupin."

"Haha. Very funny, Lily. You realize your husband and friends have an awful influence over you?"

"I know. It's annoying at times. And quite tiresome when I try to teach Harry not to be like them."

"I've noticed. He also has your sarcasm."

"I keep telling the boy that's very disrespectful."

"But Lily darling, _you_ are sarcastic."

"I can be. I'm his mother and an adult. When a child is sarcastic it's just cheek and bloody maddening."

"You're helpless. But you're also right about that."

"Thank you. When he goes to Hogwarts, make sure to punish him accordingly if he ever goes out of line."

"Lily, he's James's son and Sirius's godson. 'Going out of line' is a big understatement for the havoc that boy is about to wreak in Hogwarts."

"Oh Lord. I hope not. Well, as long as he doesn't put himself or his friends into danger."

"It's actually amusing to see how mothers get into such forms of denial. Hey! You hit me again!"

"I'm sorry, darling. Old habit."

"That's okay. Just make sure it doesn't happen again."

"I'll do my best, Remus. But anyway, when dear _Nymphadora_ is no longer your student, will you pursue her?"

"You're hopeless, Lily. You and James definitely belong together."

"I know."

* * *

A.N.: That's about it. I believe they could go on forever; they're absolutely wonderful to write just like that. But it seemed like as good a place to stop as any other. I hope this was entertaining, even if only a little bit. I know I had a great time writing this.

A special disclaimer: the phrase "Potter calling the kettle black…" was directly inspired by Lady Bracknell and specifically chapter two of her piece "Disaster: See Also, Remus J Lupin, lovelife of". Which is highly recommended reading, by the way.

Any questions, please send me a review or PM. Oh, and the Marlene mentioned in their conversation is Marlene McKinnon, who's a character from the books, if only by mention (PS, GF, OP).


	2. March 10 1991

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. The use of its characters, locations, and universe in general are merely a lend. I only own the plot (and the dialogue).

A.N.: Another boring day… No, just kidding. This time, I decided to continue writing this. It's sort of relaxing, having Lily and Remus just talk about their lives (especially if it involves rather amusing circumstances). I think I'll do that every time I feel the need to space out.

Anyway, this one takes place… Shall we say, around our darling Professor's birthday? And the setting (again, not described) shall be his private quarters at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Marauders and partners in crime and life are planning a celebration for the werewolf's birthday, and Lily decides to come rather early in the morning to have a spot of tea (or coffee). It is tradition, after all.

* * *

**Talks Over Coffee Mugs**

  
March 10 1991.

"You know, I probably should warn I'm not very happy with you at the moment."

"Why ever would that be? I've just decided to surprise you with our traditional coffee and tea—"

"How can it be a surprise if it's tradition?"

"That's beside the point. And don't interrupt me, Remus. As I was saying, I come all the way over here to surprise you for your birthday – and you have no idea how much trouble I had when I told Harry he couldn't come with me, the boy is absolutely crazy to see Hogwarts—"

"Incidentally, whatever happened to your son? And my baby goddaughter, for that same matter?"

"I've left them at my sister's."

"Are you _serious_?"

"No, I'm Lily. But no, of course I'm not serious. I think we've already established that even if Petunia would ever be capable of taking care of a child, I'd never let one of my children with her."

"It's good to see you've got some good judgement left, then. And you really have to stop with the name puns."

"I can't help it. Too much time living with James. Anyway, Arabella's been a darling and is taking care of them till we're ready for lunch."

"Really? Are you sure it will be quite all right? After all, Harry is quite prone to magical accidents, and little Holly is already showing signs as well."

"She may be a squib, but 'Bella knows what she's doing. Her Kneazle breeds are awfully smart as well."

"You're letting her experimental felines into the house?"

"Only a couple of them. And after all, I do have to deal with Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs every now and then. What can a half-cat-half-Kneazle do I haven't seen so far?"

"True enough. And since you mentioned them, I'm sure my dear friends are planning something ghastly as a birthday surprise as well?"

"Well, of course. You know them. Except for Marlene. She's stuck with some last minute paperwork at St. Mungo's. You know how these Healers are. And as I was saying before, I come here especially for your birthday, thinking you'd enjoy my company and instead you tell me you're quite mad at me?"

"What I actually said was that I'm not very happy at the moment. But you know, I might come as far as to say I hate you right now, Lily."

"No, you don't! You love me. Now tell me whatever put you in this foul a mood that has you saying me such horrible lies."

"Honestly, you and Sirius surely are in this together."

"What's happened, darling? And what do Sirius and I have done? Come on now, I'm quite curious to know what is it this time."

"So you'd have nothing to say if I mentioned a certain _someone _has been acting with very inappropriate behaviour inside these very walls?"

"Oh Remus, please. I really don't need to know what happens in my ex-boyfriend's bedroom!"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Well, then do explain properly, otherwise I'll just keep taking every opportunity you give me to take a rise out of you."

"You know, your middle name really shouldn't be Angelica. There's nothing angelic about that smirk of yours right now."

"I know. But you were saying why you were mad at me. Let's see if there's reason to it."

"Humph. What I meant is that since the beginning of term in January, a certain _student_ has been sort of… well, _flirting_ with me, apparently."

"A _student_! Don't tell me—"

"Indeed. Ms. Nymphadora Tonks."

"What! Oh my!"

"Lily, this isn't funny. Really, it isn't. Come on, now. Can we please be mature about this? We are grown-ups, after all. Oh stop laughing, you madwoman!"

"Oh I'm sorry! Well, not really. I can't help it! Oh, but you're right. It's not funny."

"Thank you."

"It's _hilarious_!"

"Argh! You're hopeless."

"Then again, so are you."

"Yes, but right now you've overcome even the likes of me, a Marauder no less!"

"Well, you just come out and state a student of yours is bloody _fancying_ you. What am I supposed to do but laugh at your supposed predicament?"

"Let's see. You could _not_ laugh and help me!"

"All right, all right. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Merlin! Now what seems to be the problem?"

"Haven't you heard a word I've said? She's a _student_! And she's—she's unabashedly flirting with me, for Merlin's sake!"

"Oh, how I wish I was a student here again just to witness that. Ooh, has she ever done something 'inappropriate' in front of others? Now that I think of it, I do seem to own a visit to dear Severus…"

"Lily darling, you know I don't mind you plotting evil plans to laugh at my expense – with Severus Snape's company, no less – but do you think you can spare me just a moment before you go running down to the dungeons?"

"Of course, dear. Anything for you."

"As I was saying, this is completely inappropriate. And unacceptable. Yet so far she's only done it in relatively private situations. Oddly enough, there always seems to be a friend or colleague of hers close at hand. Charlie Weasley more than often."

"Is that one of Molly's boys? Oh they're such a joy."

"You say that because you don't actually have to teach them."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Not unless you want it to be. But before you take it over your head and march to the Headmaster's office requesting a teaching position here, would you please, _please_ help me?"

"All right, no funny business anymore, I promise. Let's deal with this rationally. First, let me ask you: Do you, by any chance, reciprocate?"

"What kind of a question is _that_?"

"The kind that you should answer if you truly would like my help."

"Of course I don't reciprocate!"

"There's no need to shout. I don't see why not. Sirius has shown me pictures since our last talk about her. She's quite pretty (and I should say about your type). And a Metamorphmagus too! That's quite rare."

"Have you been drinking firewhiskey? Did happy hour start sooner today, by any chance? Or have you simply gone completely mental? Are you suggesting that I should _date_ my _student_!"

"All I'm saying is that as of July she will no longer be your student. You shouldn't let such things get in the way of a possibly good relationship with someone you like."

"I'll ignore what you just said. _Now_. How can I tell her this is just wrong, and yet not hurt her feelings?"

"Hmm. All right. Clearly, you refuse to be sensible. But I'll answer you nonetheless. Ask her to talk for a moment after class, or call her to your office after classes, and explain in a mature and reasonable way that the two of you together in Hogwarts is very impractical. Stress that you are positively flattered, but this situation makes you uncomfortable, and pupil-teacher relationships are always a very delicate issue."

"Hum. That's very… reasonable, I think."

"Yes. And think like this: If she truly likes you, she wouldn't want you to be in any kind of trouble, right?"

"Are you implying I should make her feel guilty?"

"If anything else fails, then yes."

"Why would it fail?"

"Because she is Andromeda Black's daughter, who defied her entire pureblood family and society to be with the one she loved. Also, Ted Tonks is her father, and remember he didn't let himself be intimidated by the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Or of Malfoy. Lestrange. Nott. Avery. Rosier. Well, you get the gist of it."

"You do have a point there, as stubbornness is quite a trademark of the Blacks and their descendents—"

"As we should know after years with Sirius."

"But I don't really think this is quite an issue. I'm sure this is just a bit of adolescent fancying. A tiny crush. Nothing terribly serious, of course."

"Then why were you so distressed when you told me about it?"

"…"

"Remus, all jokes aside now. I love you and I want you to be happy. But when are you going to let yourself be happy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I mean. You know that. You liked me when we were first here in Hogwarts, as students, and yet you did nothing about it. Even though I didn't know that, I knew I liked you. So I had to gather all my Gryffindor courage to ask you out."

"Yes, but we've been through this already. I would never do anything—"

"Because of James. I know. Before me, you never did anything about Christina Young either. And afterwards, it took a lot of planning from the boys to get you and Marlene together. I _know_ because they told me."

"I was merely a schoolboy. You can't possibly hold that against me."

"All right. We're adults now. Even Peter has come out of his shell, and has grown up. Did you know he is bringing that Muggle girl he met to the party? He finally told her he's a wizard. Imagine, little Pete, showing such courage!"

"What's your point, Lily?"

"You once said that maybe you're destined to be a Dumbledore. I'm starting to think that's what you really wish, seeing as you don't do anything to stop it. When was the last time you went out on a date? How long has it been since you took the post for Defence and nearly closed yourself from the world outside?"

"I didn't close myself inside this castle. I do this because it's my profession, and I love it."

"I know. And I understand. But I can also sense you are… rather scared."

"Scared of what?"

"I don't know. Scared of falling in love again. Of trusting someone with your life. Of having someone else's life entrusted to you, perhaps."

"Lily…"

"I know you hate talking about it, Remus, but the lycanthrope is part of your life. You can't just cast aside your dreams of a family of your own because of fear. I remember when we were young and we used to talk of the future. You aspired something else, something other than this that nevertheless is still your dream. You made something you thought impossible to be true. You are a Professor in Hogwarts, and a very prestigious one. Why can't you do the same with the rest? What stops you?"

"You know. The society, our lives, the people…"

"I've endured almost as much prejudice as you have. I barely knew the world of magic and some just felt in the right to say I was a disgrace, that I was filthy, unworthy, scum. I was pushed down each and every day. But I fought against it. I rose higher than those who belittled me. We defied the society when a pureblood heir such as James chose to marry me. A mudblood. And even nowadays, when my essays and experiments on Charms and Potions are highly renowned, I still have to face the narrow-mindedness of some individuals. But I'd never let that stop me from reaching my goals."

"That's because you are brave."

"And so are you. You need do know when to fight, Remus. This is your time. If not now, then when?"

"…"

"…"

"My, you've made me speechless twice today! It must be a record."

"Heh. I didn't know what else to say either. It's a very trying job, to convince one Remus Lupin."

"But you've done a good job, I think. All right. Perhaps you _are_ right. I should stop all this nonsense."

"I couldn't agree more."

"No more lethargy!"

"Wonderful!"

"I'll ask Aurora out next weekend."

"Excel—What! Who?"

"Aurora. Sinistra. Who teaches Astronomy."

"Oh Merlin…"

"What's the matter?"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, darling. Or else the ire of a scary and potentially murderous Potions Master should fall over you."

"Are you telling me she and Severus—"

"Are something of an item, yes. Or at least it's what I've gathered from his rather cryptic messages the last few times we met."

"I'd rather not risk a conflict with my already turbulent relationship with Severus. Perhaps Emmeline would like to do something. Have you heard from her?"

"Em Vance? Last I heard she was going out with Myron Wagtail, you know the vocalist from the Weird Sisters, that new band that's all over the place."

"What? But didn't he just graduate the other day?"

"You're loosing track of time, it was about two years ago. Though she is nearly seven years his senior, if that's what you're actually asking. It was most romantic, or so I heard. She went to one of the concerts, and then he asked her to go out. He said he remembered her from his Hogwarts days, when he was a first-year and he had told his friends he'd one day go out with her, even though she was already a very popular seventh-year."

"That is actually a very nice story. Sort of like you and James."

"Hardly the same, darling."

"He did vow he'd go out with you in almost the same fashion. The only difference is that you're not seven years his senior. But I remember he actually said he'd marry you and only you, once in our fifth year."

"Was that the day you got drunk with firewhiskey for the first time?"

"I think so. Oh well. Then it's settled. I have the worse luck ever regarding women."

"I thought that was Peter's claim."

"Well, ever since he met Ms. Thomasina Lewis, his luck has changed, hasn't it?"

"Darling Tommy. She really seems to be a lovely girl. I do hope they'll stay together for good."

"He owns a magical joke shop. She's a Muggle psychologist. Where could it go wrong?"

"Yes, they are a very unlikely pair. But he's dated Merlin knows how many witches in all these years, and none of those relationships worked out. She might be just what he needed."

"True. For many years Peter has lived under the shadow of James and Sirius—"

"And yours."

"Well. Okay. But Tommy is an outsider. She would know nothing about the Marauders unless the stories we should tell her."

"Precisely. And she seems genuinely fascinated for the whole magical thing, from what Peter's told me. He took her to the shop the other day. She really admires him and his work."

"Then there's no reason those two shouldn't work."

"I do hope so. Well, will you look at that? Remus Lupin, a hopeless romantic."

"I don't know if I should feel pleased or offended. I've always been a closeted romantic."

"Please. _James_ is a closeted romantic. You're out and about your romantic ways ever since we were what? Fifteen?"

"About that."

"And yet for the last several years you've sort of lost your romantic aura."

"Romantic aura? I'm going to keep that in mind to tease you in later coffee sessions. But you should see I wouldn't feel very romantic if my own love life is not going quite well."

"I should say non-existent, actually."

"Don't push it."

"Well, it is the truth. Maybe I should talk to darling Nymphadora about you…"

"I already said don't push it, Lily!"

"Oh relax! You're awfully easy to tease. And so fun to do it too."

"What can I say? It's a curse."

"For me, it's more like a gift. That's why I always come back to talk to you."

"Well, thank you. I thought it was because you liked my coffee."

"That too. And now that we're actually done with it, we should go. They should be expecting us by now."

"Oh yes. I bet they are."

"Must you sound so wary? They are your _friends_! You know they wouldn't do anything you wouldn't like."

"They _are_ my friends. That's precisely why I'm expecting something I'm not going to like."

"Okay. I'm not going to argue with that. After all, I don't even know what's the surprise. You might be right."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?"

"Actually, the coffee was. And the talk."

"And it was. It _really_ was. Thank you, Lily."

"You're welcomed, darling. Happy birthday, Remus."

* * *

A.N.: Thank you for reading, and to the ones who reviewed. You rock my world! 


	3. Sunday Morning

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. The use of its characters, locations, and universe is merely a lend. I only own the rather plot-less dialogue.

A.N.: This has absolutely no connection with the other two chapters. So if you're waiting for news about Remus and his possible romance with one Nymphadora Tonks, I'm very sorry to disappoint you.

This one takes place during Remus and Lily's Hogwarts days, about their sixth year, I think. Setting? Great Hall, probably. Gryffindor Table.

* * *

**Talks Over Coffee Mugs**

Sunday Morning

"Pass the coffee."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Remus!"

"Glaring will get you nowhere, Ms. Evans."

"Fine. Would you please pass me the coffee? Please? _Pretty_ please?"

"Of course. Here you go."

"Thank you. You're an absolute life-saver. And a complete tosser for making me suffer like this too, actually."

"Do I detect traces of a hangover?"

"Yes…"

"I do?"

"Well, you asked. Why does the answer surprise you so much?"

"Because I never thought it was actually true. What happened?"

"Sirius happened."

"And how exactly does that answer my question? Am I supposed to believe Padfoot got you drunk last night?"

"He might as well have."

"You're not serious."

"No, of course not. What I meant is that he and Marlene had a fight, and she stormed into the dormitory last night ranting infinitely about him, and the result was that we somehow all got to drink firewhiskey late into the night."

"You have firewhiskey stashed away in your dorm?"

"Every girls' dorm has one. Why do you think boys aren't allowed there?"

"Lily…"

"No, really. We all have these wild parties in each other's dorms when we drink till our livers and heads explode in the morning, and you're all none the wiser."

"All right. You've already proven your own abilities at sarcasm. Now seriously, where did you get firewhiskey?"

"I think she got it from Sirius himself. I actually believe that was why they fought."

"Oh yes, I seem to remember something about it last night."

"You _seem_ to remember?"

"After over five years, you learn to tune out the unimportant things that happen around you."

"I know what you mean. We tried that last night and yet we still all started ranting about boys, and the firewhiskey came into the play. And now my head is simply pounding."

"Hmm, I see. You should have told me. I'd have left you sleep in."

"No, I couldn't do that to you. We'd postponed filling up these prefect reports all week."

"I could've done it all myself, you know. I am very able like that."

"I know you are, Remus. But it wouldn't be fair to you."

"Is it fair that now you're here stuck with me filling up reports when you can not even see what's written in the parchment in front of you?"

"Point taken. Although I don't consider punishment being stuck with you."

"Thank you. Now why don't you go back to your dorm?"

"No, I'm up already. I might as well do something."

"You're not doing anything. You should take something for the headache."

"Remus, it's a hangover. It's not bound to go away so soon. And meanwhile, I'm staying here with you, helping with the reports."

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans. Nice to meet you for the first time ever."

"Okay, point taken also. But you should see other guys will not be jealous that I get to spend time with you if you're not all bright and shiny, but moody and in considerable pain."

"Ah, so that's why you're so concerned with my headache?"

"That, and because I actually care about you. And I know what it's like to be in pain and have to wake up early in the morning. Which you shouldn't, as it's Sunday, and normal people, even those who haven't been up drinking late into the night, are sleeping in."

"But then they're all jealous because they don't get to spend time with me."

"You're incorrigible, Lily. But you're also right."

"Of course I am. Now why don't you give me half that pile of parchments and let me do my job already?"

"Are you sure about it? It would be quite all right if you went back to sleep. I wouldn't think any less of you, you know."

"Well, thank you for being annoyingly chivalrous and thoughtful, but I think I'll stay. I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now with all the coffee. Besides, Dawn snores, it would be quite a painful experience to go back to the dorm now."

"Dawn snores?"

"You didn't hear it from me, and I mean it, Remus! If she knows I told you so, she'll absolutely kill me."

"All right. You know, you're an oddly talkative person, for someone with a hangover."

"I know. But then again, I've never been exactly normal."

"_Is_ there anything such as normal?"

"Haven't we had this conversation before?"

"Are there still conversations we hadn't had?"

"You think we've run out of conversations to have?"

"Is there anything such as running out of conversations to have?"

"Why are you answering my questions with a question?"

"Why are _you_?"

"Argh! You know, you're not making any easier this hangover thing with the way this talk is going."

"Good. I'm trying to persuade you to go back to sleep, even if I have to be annoying to do so."

"Don't flatter yourself, darling. You're always annoying."

"Ouch. That hurt, Lily."

"I'm sorry. It's the headache."

"And the hangover?"

"Probably. And this very weird conversation."

"Hmm. We've probably had weirder ones."

"Well, I can't think of any right now. And you're distracting me, I know what you're doing. You really won't let me help you with the reports?"

"Why don't we do this: I write, occasionally ask you for help if any details should slip my mind, and meanwhile you drink coffee and tell me what happened last night?"

"Ah, so you're giving up trying to get me into bed?"

"You do know what that would sound like if anyone listened to you right now, don't you?"

"Of course. Why do you think I had so much fun saying it?"

"James would kill me if he heard and misinterpreted it…"

"Oh, who cares about him anyway?"

"I do."

"It was a rhetorical question, Remus. You're not supposed to really answer it, you know."

"I know. But I wanted to."

"Hum. I'll let this one go because I'd rather we didn't argue right now. What were you saying before this all started?"

"You were going to tell me about last night."

"Was I? Oh yes. So, I was up in my dorm reading _Witch_ _Weekly_—"

"You read _Witch_ _Weekly_?"

"Didn't I just say that?"

"I'm sorry, it's just that… I never thought you were the kind."

"The kind? What? I'm a girl, aren't I? I think I'm allowed to behave like a frivolous female every now and then in the safety, comfort, and privacy of my own dorm."

"You're right. That was stupid of me, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. Besides, it wasn't mine. It was Heather's. I only borrowed it because I was rather bored."

"Ah. I knew there was something more. But do continue."

"All right. So I was reading a very pointless article, I must say, that started talking of Voldemort and the war, and somehow ended up discussing the finer points of self-stirring cauldrons, when suddenly this girl we know as Marlene McKinnon enters our dorm."

"I'll ignore the inane article, and focus on the most important matter. Was she mad?"

"Completely livid. But then, that's usually what I expect when she goes out on a date with Sirius. Either she comes back really late into the night and she's all dreamy, or she comes earlier, and she's furious."

"What was the fight about this time?"

"Did you really not hear Sirius ranting about it last night? How can you ignore him like that, so completely?"

"It's Sirius we're talking about. He'll come in, say something about, 'Now, you can't possibly say all women aren't crazy!', James will agree, Peter will stammer something unintelligible, and when I try asking something that actually makes sense, they ignore me and say I should stop trying to be sensible."

"It seems like a weekly ritual, the way you talk."

"Quite so. From then on, there are three alternatives. They will either get the firewhiskey and drink till they have absolutely no idea what they were talking about in the first place, or Sirius will refuse to comment, we'll pester him, he'll get mad and shut the hangings of his bed, or he'll go out again and return some time later when he's calmer. Then we'll pester him, he'll get mad again and shut the hangings of his bed. Or he'll ramble and get the firewhiskey."

"I think I got the gist of it. And what happened last night?"

"Firewhiskey. That's why they're all still sleeping."

"That and the fact that it's too damn early in the morning. And I thought Marlene had gotten Sirius's firewhiskey?"

"He had another bottle."

"Of course. And why aren't you sleeping in as well?"

"I didn't drink as much as they did. That or I'm actually concealing the fact that I also have an excruciating hangover, and my ploy to get you back to sleep was so that I'd actually be able to do it as well."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. But don't sound so concerned. I think you're worse for wear than me."

"Oh now that's helpful. _And_ flattering."

"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it. Only that I think I have a bit more experience with drinking late into the night than you do."

"Hmm, it'd appear to be so. Does that mean you were ranting about girls with the others?"

"Perhaps."

"Really? Who were you ranting about? Anyone I know?"

"No comments on that."

"Suit yourself. I can always go ask the boys who you were talking about."

"Then you'll be sorely disappointed, for I didn't mention any names."

"You didn't? You take the whole fun out of ranting if you keep the names to yourself, you know."

"Actually, in a dormitory with James, Sirius, and Peter, it's more like self preservation, really. I've learned my lesson about taking advice from them, or letting them interfere with my romantic affairs."

"Hmm. So you really _were_ ranting about a girl. Who is she?"

"Don't you ever give up?"

"No. At least not so soon, I don't think so."

"Why are you so interested, anyway? And I thought we were talking about Sirius and Marlene's fight."

"Really, they fight every other week. Next month we can be sitting here just like now, and we'll still be talking about their latest fight."

"Yes, it seems they enjoy their fights as much as the calm periods."

"They're both very dramatic people. It's only natural they'd need some sort of conflict to keep the spark on their relationship."

"I only hope they know when to stop it. For all I see, Sirius cares about her more than any other girl he's ever met."

"That's good, then. I do think they make a very nice couple."

"She _is_ a lovely, wonderful girl."

"Do you still love her?"

"What? Where did _that_ come from?"

"Well, you two did date a couple of years ago, and just now you nearly admitted you're suffering because of a girl. I only thought that, well, maybe if it was Marlene, you wouldn't have someone to talk about it. And I wanted to be here for you, if that's the case."

"First of all, let me thank you for worrying so much about me. Now, I never said I'm suffering because of a girl, and if I was it's certainly not Marlene. I'm very happy to see her with Sirius. Even though he at times behaves like a complete idiot."

"Yes, I know, and agree completely. Now. Again, you've admitted you're suffering because of a girl, only she _isn't_ Marlene. Who is she, then?"

"You're starting to sound like a broken record, Lily."

"Oh c'mon! Maybe I can help."

"I doubt it."

"Clearly, you don't trust me as much as I thought you did."

"Now, don't go and try to make me feel guilty about this. You know very well that's not the case here."

"You're so _mean_. Not only you won't tell me, but you drag me out of bed at this ungodly hour when I'm nearly dying with this headache—"

"Lily!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I was only joking. But why don't you think I can help? Just because my own romantic life is disastrous doesn't mean I'd also be wrong with the advice I have to give."

"It's not a question of trusting you or your judgement. I think you give brilliant advice. And I don't see any indicative that _you_ have a catastrophe of a love life."

"Then clearly you're not looking in the right places. My last few relationships _were_ a bit disastrous. And if I were successful, I'd have a boyfriend right now, don't you think?"

"Would you rather have a boyfriend and be in a disastrous relationship, or be single and looking for someone who actually deserves you?"

"Hmm. Well said. You see, you're also quite brilliant. You should take your own advices."

"That's not the way it works. We never take our own advice. Although if that actually happened, I imagine I would be with someone right now."

"You _are_ with someone. You're with _me_."

"Yes, but you know what I mean. Right?"

"…Of course I do. I was only being silly."

"What's the matter? Is everything all right, Lily?"

"Yeah. It's just the headache."

"Do you want me to get something for you in the Hospital Wing?"

"No, no, it's okay. You shouldn't worry about me."

"Don't be silly. One minute you're all laughing and teasing, and the next you look like you're about to cry. Of course I'm going to worry about you."

"I hardly think I'm about to cry."

"Should I conjure you a mirror so you see for yourself?"

"It's the hangover, Remus. That's all. Well, that's the last time I'll allow Marlene to bring alcohol into our dorm when we're all prone to rant endlessly."

"Which reminds me. You never said why _you_ were rambling and ranting."

"Oh. Just about the usual. The _Witch_ _Weekly_ ridiculous article, my current state of life with no meaningful relationship, the war, Potter, you…"

"Me? Why would you rant about _me_?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes, and that's why I'm asking."

"I'll tell if you tell."

"I wasn't ranting about you."

"No, you are suffering for a girl."

"Oh we're back to that."

"Yes, we are."

"Hmm. I think you weren't ranting about me at all. You're only saying that because you want me to give in and tell you what you want to know."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"If you _were_ ranting about me last night, and considering you're still talking to me this morning, I think it's safe to assume you're not mad at me anymore."

"I never said I was mad at you."

"Well then, this doesn't make any sense!"

"I _could_ be mad with something that relates to you, but not mad directly _at_ you."

"You're a very confusing person, Lily."

"I know. And it is early in the morning, and we're both hung-over. It's quite an achievement, don't you think?"

"I think the circumstances only make it easier for things to be confusing."

"Exactly. It's amazing we can communicate at all."

"You're absolutely right. And that is why I'll get us something for these headaches."

"Really? I could go, if you'd like."

"No, you stay here and sit tight. I'm just running up to the Hospital Wing, I'll be back in a minute."

"Good, because despite all my refusals, the pounding really is getting worse. You're a sweetheart for doing this, and an absolute life-saver."

"I think you've said that already."

"And I mean it every time."

"Well, I'm only taking care of you. After all, what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?"

"Hmm, a boyfriend?"

"If that's your real answer, then I don't need to ask if you're traumatized from past relationships."

"I thought that was already established long ago."

"Well, I'm going. When I get back, we'll get rid of the pounding, the confusing dialogue, and maybe try to improve your taste in men."

"Yeah. We'll do that."

* * *

A.N.: Confusing? Inane? Pointless? You tell me! Incidentally, I'm not hung-over right now. But I know what it's like to have a dialogue like that. Headaches will make you say the stupidest things. 


	4. Summer Flings

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. The use of its characters, locations, and universe in general is merely a lend. I only own the plot—or in this case, the dialogue.

A.N.: Back to the future… Here follows a conversation between adult Remus and Lily. I caved in and decided to bring Tonks back into the equation. And I think I took serious abuse of the word 'serious' (and its variations) in this chapter…

The setting for such a delicate matter as it will be discussed should be someone's private quarters. Probably Lily's. And since it's quite clear from the chapter title, it is about the summer holidays, the year of 1991.

* * *

**Talks Over Coffee Mugs**

Summer Flings

"I cannot believe I'm about to tell you this, but it is sort of fitting as you started it in a way, and quite frankly I can't talk about this with no one else."

"What is it?"

"This is so humiliating…"

"I thought you were already used to humiliation, Remus."

"Well, yes, years running about with James, Sirius, and Peter ought to have taught me that lesson eons ago, but I never thought I'd still suffer its effects as an adult."

"I wonder where you get such ideas from, darling. You should've known better, really."

"Apparently, I should."

"Now stop stalling and tell me this so vexing problem."

"All right. I found myself the subject of a bet."

"A bet? That's not so bad. What was it? Were you supposed to make Severus laugh, perhaps? Or wash his hair? That was very popular in our days at Hogwarts."

"No, you misinterpreted it, Lily. I was the _subject_ of a bet. As in someone made a bet involving me."

"Oh! What, they were supposed to make _you_ laugh? Now that's fairly easy. Or perhaps someone should try and get you mad, publicly. _That_ would be a challenge, as you're always in so much control of your emotions."

"Well, this time I was fairly shocked. Although I do admit no one noticed it, they thought I took it all in stride."

"Naturally. And you didn't?"

"I'm afraid I failed miserably this time, although I did manage to conceal my shock behind a mask of impassiveness."

"Hmm. And what _was_ the bet? I suppose I should know if I'm to understand why you are so troubled."

"I'm already regretting having started this conversation."

"Why? I'm not even teasing you that much. I'm being very nice, if I may say so."

"You are, but that won't last much longer. I can sense it."

"Remus, will you tell me already? If you keep stalling me I'm afraid I won't have another choice but make things even more difficult for you."

"Ah but would that be wise? After all, I might change my mind and never tell you of the bet."

"I could always slip _Veritaserum_ in your coffee."

"I'm a very guarded person, Lily, and you'd have to carry _Veritaserum_ in your pocket all the time."

"Who says I don't?"

"Do you?"

"You never know. It might come in handy."

"You are a very peculiar woman."

"Potions are a specialty of mine. And stop stalling me and trying to change the subject. What was the bet and who was involved?"

"You know, I've rehearsed this conversation in my head many times but I've never appreciated how truly difficult it would be to actually tell you this."

"It's usually how things work. And now I don't know if I should be worried or annoyed that you still hadn't told me. Is it that bad? It can't be something too serious, otherwise you'd be very straightforward, I'm sure."

"Yes, I think so."

"So it's only embarrassing. It's part of life, Remus. Now, you need my help and I need to know what happened. So they made a bet involving you. What, they were supposed to pull a prank in one of your classes?"

"Please. All students learn as first-years still that it's practically impossible to catch me unawares with a prank. Remember, I still am a Marauder."

"Indeed. And you're sounding awfully like Sirius, with the boasting."

"I know, I'm usually more modest, but I'm quite vexed with this whole betting business."

"Of which I still hadn't heard all the details. I'm starting to wonder if I ever will."

"All right. I'll tell you. So my darling pupils of my seventh year course of N.E.W.T.s decided to place a little bet. One of them was supposed to try and… the only word I can find to work here is 'seduce'. So they were supposed to _seduce_ me."

"You're joking. Aren't you?"

"No, I am not."

"_Why_ would they want to seduce you?"

"Of all comments, I think that was the least complimentary you could've made, Lily."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that, you know that. And I'm quite positive there are some more offending comments I could've made."

"I'm almost regretting to ask this, but like what?"

"Like, 'Who on _Earth_ would want to seduce you?' or something along the lines of simply laughing right back at your face. Note that I didn't do those, and never would."

"All right. But back to the subject at hand, would you like to guess who was in charge of seducing me?"

"You can't be serious!"

"Close enough. His cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. _Now_ you can laugh away."

"I don't think I can. I'm in shock!"

"Lily, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't plot this whole thing."

"Of course I didn't! What, you'd think I'm a Slytherin."

"I remember you once told me the Sorting Hat seriously considered putting you there."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot I told you that. Only I was muggle-born, obviously I couldn't go there."

"Indeed. And so you had nothing to do with this? And you didn't tell anyone of our previous conversations? I mean, this didn't get to Sirius, somehow?"

"I don't think so, although it is the sort of thing Sirius would have fun plotting. Have you told him already, by the way?"

"No. I'm afraid that if I tell him he'll either laugh at my face (because he already knew of everything) or he'll try to hex me into next week for somehow corrupting his innocent little cousin."

"It's not your fault, you didn't put them up to this. … Did you?"

"Of course not! Merlin, what are you thinking, Lily?"

"I'm just teasing you!"

"Don't tease with something as serious as this. I could get sacked. I could go to Azkaban!"

"Oh honestly. I'd hardly think they'd send you to Azkaban for having an affair with a student who is already of legal age, incidentally."

"How would you know? Have you ever had an affair with a student?"

"Yes, but only when I was a student as well. And it wasn't an affair, it was called dating."

"I love it when you tease me when you're supposed to help me."

"Oh what is there to help? There isn't a problem! You didn't do anything, did you? Then Albus can't sack you. In fact, I doubt he ever would."

"You're probably right."

"Only I wouldn't let other people hear of this, though I do know it's a hard thing to keep anything secret in Hogwarts for too long. And you probably should try at all costs not to let Severus hear this. _He_ would certainly want you sacked."

"_Really_? You think so?"

"Obviously, considering how much he hated you and the boys back in the old days, and how seriously he wants the Defence post."

"I was being sarcastic, Lily."

"I know. But I figured it'd be more annoying if I answered seriously."

"Indeed."

"So? Are you and _Nymphadora_ going out now?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Lily, no!"

"Why not? She's no longer your student, you wouldn't get sacked. She's of legal age, you wouldn't get thrown into Azkaban. And she is like a female Black so she should be perfect for you."

"You don't even know her. How can you think she's perfect for me?"

"You two have the same background, with a muggle-born father and a pureblood mother who was disowned by her family—"

"What, you picked up her record or something?"

"Just a bit of research with Sirius. As I was saying, she's quite mischievous and has troublemaking friends, so it reminds your own Marauder past—and present, and probable future. She's also quite brilliant since she got accepted into the Auror training programme."

"I'll give you that, she's brilliant and mischievous."

"And according to Sirius, she's 'colourful, loud, clumsy, and rebellious', and I remember you once said that's what you needed in a girl."

"Correction. _You_ said that."

"No, I said you needed a girl who was the opposite of you, and that was the description you came up with."

"I was joking, Lily."

"Nonetheless. And you're forgetting the most important factor."

"Am I? What should it be?"

"She was the one who volunteered to seduce you."

"Well, yes, I could hardly see _Charlie Weasley_ attempting to woo me."

"Why not? How would they know of your sexual preferences if you never date?"

"I dated _you_, and Marlene!"

"_We_ know that, darling. But most people don't. And there are some rumours about…"

"Sirius and I were never in a romantic relationship!"

"Okay. Clearly, I've touched a rather sour point."

"Sorry, I'm just tired of telling people this. Where did they all get this idea that we were a gay couple?"

"Well, I don't know, you two _are_ very close."

"So are James and I. Or James and Sirius! And you don't hear people saying they were ever a couple."

"There was something about it, actually, but since James and I are married, and there's Harry and Holly, they figured that was a lost cause, and decided to concentrate on you and Sirius."

"Sirius is married! He has twins!"

"Yes, but he was a bachelor till not very long ago, as are you."

"Are you one of those people who start these rumours, by any chance? Because you certainly seem to know an awful lot about it."

"No, I just hear a lot of it because people are under the impression I would know, being a close friend of yours and the wife of James, and that maybe I'd like to share the information."

"So people think all three of us were gay?"

"Four. Peter too."

"Unbelievable!"

"I know. You probably shouldn't have rattled so many people back in Hogwarts with all those pranks. Didn't Rita Skeeter have a cousin you boys once threw at the lake?"

"I assure you I never did something as childish and amateur as throwing people at the lake."

"Oh yes, your planks were always more stylish and elaborate."

"Very. However, _Sirius and James_ threw many people at the lake! Well, in hindsight that probably wasn't a very good idea. Rita is very vindictive."

"That she is. You're all seriously toasted if she's the one spreading the rumours."

"Hum. We'll have to see into that. Is there anyone in your department you can spare me for some scooping, maybe?"

"Remus, my department is concerned with the mysteries of life, death, and magic."

"I know, that's why it's called the Department of Mysteries. What's your point?"

"We deal with serious stuff. I can't send you my personnel to check petty things like who is spreading rumours about your sexuality!"

"Not just mine, James's, Sirius's, and Peter's too. Don't you care about your friends' and your own husband's reputations?"

"Oh fine! Linus was getting on my nerves this week anyway. He'll get in touch."

"Thank you, Lily."

"No problem. And if you're so concerned with your reputation, I have an idea to stop these rumours quickly."

"I'm not asking Nymphadora out."

"_Why not_?"

"Because. It would be all wrong. I was her teacher!"

"She's not your student anymore."

"Right. But I _am_ a teacher, and I'm too poor for someone like her."

"Remus, we're talking about a date, not a marriage proposal. Besides, what makes you think she would care if you're not rich? She has Black blood, but I don't think she cares that much about wealth, from what I heard of her."

"Okay. But I'm too old, you can't deny that."

"You're what, twelve years her senior?"

"Nearly thirteen."

"My grandfather was almost fifteen years older than my grandmother, and he still asked her out, and they got married, obviously. And that was over sixty years ago. People _don't care_ about this."

"Well, I do. Besides, I'm—I'm too dangerous."

"Oh not the werewolf thing again!"

"Yes, the werewolf thing again, Lily. This is a serious matter."

"No, it's not. _You_ make it a serious, complicated matter. Yes, people still have prejudices, but you're a very prestigious professor in Hogwarts even with the lycanthrope, you're _respected_ for who you are. And as for the danger, there's Wolfsbane now. And like I said, it's _one_ date. You don't have to marry her. Just give it a try."

"Hmm. I'm getting each time more convinced you've plotted this whole thing from the beginning."

"Well, if I did, it's only because I love you too much."

"Was that a confession?"

"No. Will you ask her out already?"

"Confess you planned this whole bet thing and maybe I'll consider it."

"Nice try, Remus, but I really didn't. But if you keep refusing to be sensible, I might have to go have a little chat with young Ms. Tonks and maybe she'll be able to persuade you. By the way, did she win?"

"What?"

"The bet. She was supposed to seduce you. Did she manage it?"

"That's between me and a specific group of my former class of seventh years."

"Ooh, spoil-sport."

"I aim to please."

"And—"

"Stop badgering me about Tonks."

"I've stopped badgering. But if you take too long to do something about it, I promise I'll be back with it."

"I don't doubt it."

"And I'll bring Sirius into it too."

"Oh Merlin… Surely this is bound to end badly?"

"It's up to you, really."

"Why do you keep doing this to me, Lily?"

"Because. You helped me and James to get together, and I'd like to do the same thing for you."

"Well. In that case, thank you for caring so much about me."

"Any time, Remus. Any time."


End file.
